tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89909621045732313712024-03-14T01:23:01.535+07:00Watch Videos CatsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.comBlogger52277125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-39929886896457825602021-09-21T20:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T20:29:59.002+07:00To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a construction worker and an alcoholic<div class="md">
<p>Fuck you that just was a lucky guess.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-12519223691853838342021-09-21T17:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T17:29:29.350+07:00A man decided to tattoo his wife's name on his penis before going to their honeymoon<div class="md">
<p>When erect it proudly reads <em>Wendy</em> on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows <em>Wy</em>.</p>
<p>While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a <em>Wy</em> on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy.</p>
<p>The guy replies in a Jamaican accent, "No man, why do you ask?"</p>
<p>The husband then explains that he noticed the <em>Wy</em> on his penis and shared that he also has <em>Wy</em> and then when erect it says "Wendy".</p>
<p>The stranger then said, "When I have a hard on it says, <em>Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day</em>."</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-54514220526540518092021-09-21T16:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T16:29:43.625+07:00George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas<div class="md">
<p>When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."</p>
<p>"Harriet, she's a prostitute."</p>
<p>"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"</p>
<p>"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."</p>
<p>In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?" Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." Even George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."</p>
<p>"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!" George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat<br />
dinner." At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25 !!!!!!!! "</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-25894071695155634302021-09-21T13:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T13:29:10.106+07:00When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying.<div class="md">
<p>It’s Trudeau.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-78566844822779671282021-09-21T09:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T09:29:30.591+07:00A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.<div class="md">
<p>When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.</p>
<p>"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.</p>
<p>No one answered.</p>
<p>"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"</p>
<p>Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.</p>
<p>The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"</p>
<p>The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-8242306805595950642021-09-21T07:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T07:29:22.239+07:00A man walks into a spooky store.<div class="md">
<p><em>Man:</em> Wow, this shop really has everything!</p>
<p><em>Shopkeeper:</em> Yes, but I warn you... every item comes at a price.</p>
<p><em>Man:</em> Yes, I know how shops work.</p>
<p><em>Shopkeeper:</em> But the price may be more than you expect to pay.</p>
<p><em>Man:</em> Yes, I know how taxes work too.</p>
<p><em>Shopkeeper, angry now:</em> No, you don't understand! I'm evil and I'm offering these items without regard for the harm they will do!</p>
<p><em>Man, also angry:</em> I know what capitalism is, dammit!</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-71387447337499895162021-09-21T06:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T06:29:27.409+07:00A teacher asks her students a simple math question…<div class="md">
<p>“There are 3 birds on a wire, one gets shot, how many are left?”</p>
<p>Little Johnny raises his hand, “there are none left, once the one bird was shot the other two flew away ”</p>
<p>Teacher tells Johnny he is wrong, but she likes the way he thinks.</p>
<p>Johnny then inquired, “may I ask you a question now teach?”</p>
<p>She loves his inquiring mind and tells him to go right ahead</p>
<p>Johnny continues, “There are 3 women coming out of an ice cream shop each with a cone… one is licking it, one is biting it, and one is sucking it…. Which one is married?”</p>
<p>Teacher thinks for a second and replies “well..I guess I would say the one who is sucking it”</p>
<p>Johnny replies, “No it’s the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think”</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-85011382566098687092021-09-21T05:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T05:29:14.305+07:00I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar<div class="md">
<p>So I went up to him and gave him a dollar.He happily pocketed the dollar and said “ you see that white cat over there, how many teeth does it have?”</p>
<p>So I said “ I don’t know….”</p>
<p>He said “ how many hairs does it have?”</p>
<p>I again replied saying I didn’t know.</p>
<p>He then said to me “ You see that black rooster over there, how many legs does it have?”</p>
<p>So i promptly said 2.</p>
<p>so the homeless man said “ how come you know nothing about white pussy and everything about black cock?”</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-90156161993392522482021-09-21T04:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T04:29:36.733+07:00Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history<div class="md">
<p>Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-16538089509343124292021-09-21T02:29:00.001+07:002021-09-21T02:29:28.516+07:00I almost had a threesome with a brunette and a blonde<div class="md">
<p>Too bad they weren't interested.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-84343924525371476182021-09-20T22:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T22:29:24.074+07:00I met my dream girl at the morgue<div class="md">
<p>but she didn't warm up to my advances.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-14630821933930044582021-09-20T21:29:00.003+07:002021-09-20T21:29:19.407+07:00I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people<div class="md">
<p>I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-39919488761118040802021-09-20T21:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T21:29:17.937+07:00I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country<div class="md">
<p>but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-29540250628032855582021-09-20T18:29:00.003+07:002021-09-20T18:29:54.489+07:00Us men can be great at multi-tasking too!<div class="md">
<p>Ever tried jerking off, watching porn and keeping an eye on the door for intruders at the same time?</p>
<p>Edit: Thank you for taking my award virginity!</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-28046530267873982772021-09-20T18:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T18:29:52.983+07:00The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles<div class="md">
<p>They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.</p>
<p>John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.</p>
<p>Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.</p>
<p>'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.</p>
<p>The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'</p>
<p>A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another... </p>
<p>Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips... He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.</p>
<p>'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen...</p>
<p>'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'</p>
<p>'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'</p>
<p>‘No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.</p>
<p>With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.</p>
<p>'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'</p>
<p>'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.</p>
<p>'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.</p>
<p>The next day the couples re-join their other partners and go their separate ways. </p>
<p>As they walked along, John asks, 'Well, was it any good?'</p>
<p>'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'</p>
<p>'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache .... She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-74902159429358326212021-09-20T15:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T15:29:08.013+07:00My sex life is like COVID-19.<div class="md">
<p>I don't have COVID-19</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-66664852244084606842021-09-20T11:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T11:29:57.066+07:00Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?<div class="md">
<p>So she can moan with the other.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-8552038581038463732021-09-20T10:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T10:29:10.505+07:00A dyslexic man walks into a bra<div class="md">
<p>Thank you.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-16905104769489648412021-09-20T07:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T07:29:41.278+07:00Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.<div class="md">
<p>One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"</p>
<p>The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"</p>
<p>The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-20634164156846536732021-09-20T05:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T05:29:21.212+07:00A guy comes home completely drunk one night.<div class="md">
<p>He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.</p>
<p>"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"</p>
<p>The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?"</p>
<p>There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-52209969642839173242021-09-20T03:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T03:29:10.599+07:00A software tester walks into a bar.<div class="md">
<p>Runs into a bar.</p>
<p>Crawls into a bar.</p>
<p>Dances into a bar.</p>
<p>Flies into a bar.</p>
<p>Jumps into a bar.</p>
<p>And orders:</p>
<p>a beer.</p>
<p>2 beers.</p>
<p>0 beers.</p>
<p>99999999 beers.</p>
<p>a lizard in a beer glass.</p>
<p>-1 beer.</p>
<p>"qwertyuiop" beers.</p>
<p>Testing complete.</p>
<p>A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.</p>
<p>The bar goes up in flames.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-71815676470883398732021-09-20T02:29:00.003+07:002021-09-20T02:29:54.616+07:00A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a blood donation clinic.<div class="md">
<p>A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asked the rabbit, “What is your blood type?” The rabbit responded, “I’m probably a type O.”</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-28563179888856080822021-09-20T02:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T02:29:52.506+07:00this morning, my wife saved me from choking to death on a custard cream biscuit.<div class="md">
<p>The fat cunt had eaten them all.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-84180272847723833382021-09-20T01:29:00.001+07:002021-09-20T01:29:18.016+07:00My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.<div class="md">
<p>Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.</p>
<p>Because i didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, i explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.</p>
<p>"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again."</p>
<p>The silence in the taxi was deafening.....</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8990962104573231371.post-41884869076486962142021-09-20T00:29:00.003+07:002021-09-20T00:29:31.039+07:00What do you call a man that shaves ten times a day?<div class="md">
<p>A barber.</p>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00098923366421287915noreply@blogger.com0