If I had a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on...

I'd be like, "Why ya'll keep giving me all these dimes?"

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This election has been a bit like watching porn...

The hype was fun but now it's over I'm disgusted by what I'm watching.

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An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, " I am Steph Curry , the best NBA basketball player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane

The 2nd passenger , Donald Trump , said , " I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger , the Pope , said to the 4th passenger , a 10 year old schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , " That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

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That's a nice ham you've got there...

... it'd be a shame if somebody put an 's' at the front and an 'e' at the end.

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Cheer up Hilary!

At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

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I hate people who take drugs...

specifically the DEA and US Customs.

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What did Hillary tell Trump after the results came in?

"Thank you. I haven't been fucked like this since 1998"

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