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Thứ Tư, 18 tháng 7, 2018

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds" . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

A married couple are in bed one morning.

"I had a really good dream last night,” says the wife. “I dreamt that I was at a penis auction. Long dicks were going for $100 each and thick dicks were going for $200.”

“Really?” says the husband. “What would mine have fetched?”

“They were giving dicks like yours away for free,” says the wife.

“That’s funny, actually,” he replies, “because I had a dream that I was at a vagina auction. Juicy cunts were going for $500 and tight cunts were going for a grand.”

“How about mine?” asks the wife.

“That’s where they were holding the auction.”

How do you say " 'sup dawg" in Japanese?

Konichihuahua

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.

Personally I’m on the fence.

(OC) A Hippie walks by a businessman...

A Hippie is walking by and sees a businessman looking over some construction that had been started on a plot of land. The Hippie is alarmed and exclaims "What are you doing?!"

The businessman responds by saying that this piece of land was bought by his company. The land was good and the foundation was perfect for a storefront, and his crew would be here shortly. The Hippie tells him that he can't build on this plot of land because it's magical! The businessman is skeptical so the Hippie points at the rock on the far side of the land, where the businessman has yet to build anything.

"You see that rock?"

"Yeah, so what?" says the businessman.

"That rock used to be on the left side of the land. Now it's in the back"

The businessman doesn't get the big deal.

The hippie goes, "Well, how do you think that happened?"

The Businessman says "Well, obviously someone moved the rock"

The hippie laughs and challenges the businessman to move it. So they go over to the rock and the businessman gets ready to pick it up. He can't. He tries rolling it, he can't. As the businessman fails to move this rock, the Hippie tells him "I told you, this plot of land is magical. Only I can move this rock."

The businessman is in disbelief. "How the hell can you move this rock? It's impossible to budge!"

The Hippie says "The only way to move the rock is with my orgasm"

The businessman is disgusted. "I don't believe you. This is my land, I don't care about a stupid rock! I'll get someone from my construction crew to move it for me!"

The Hippie just laughs and says "Let me show you"

The Hippie whips his dick out and starts stroking it. The businessman can't believe the Hippie is doing this, but he can't look away. Soon the Hippie gets ready to orgasm and the businessman is completely mesmerized now. As the Hippie cums, the whole ground shakes, it becomes too blurry for the businessman to even see what's happening! But he feels the piece of land rotate 90 degrees. By the time the Hippie finishes cumming, the plot of land has stopped moving and both the Hippie and businessman are on the right side of the land, along with the rock. The businessman is amazed, almost speechless.

The Hippie zips up and says "Do you believe me now?"

The businessman regains his composure and finally says "The foundation was good and the climax had me hooked... but I did not see that plot-twist cumming!"

What do you call a communist sniper?

A Marx-man

George Soros Bet Big On Liberal Democracy. Now He Fears He Is Losing


George Soros Bet Big On Liberal Democracy. Now He Fears He Is Losing
His enemies paint him as all-powerful, but the billionaire philanthropist believes that his political legacy has never been in greater jeopardy.

July 17, 2018 at 07:58PM
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