My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.

"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."

"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."

"No," I said. "I mean being single."

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A young girl asked her dad how babies are made...

Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mommy’s tummy. Girl: Does she swallow the seed? Dad: Only if she wants new shoes.

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Why did Donald Trump drain the swamp?

So he could hire what was on the bottom.

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r/jokes should use its karma to help the environment.

Subscribers are already experts at recycling.

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I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"

I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

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Why did the number 10 die?

It was in the middle of 9/11

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We used to have empires ruled by emperors, kingdoms ruled by kings and sultanates ruled by sultans.

Now we have countries....

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