I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
Thứ Năm, 26 tháng 3, 2020
Thứ Tư, 25 tháng 3, 2020
Danny cannot make his wife orgasm, so he goes to the doctor for some advice...
He goes to the doctor and says, "Look, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm in bed, it's a real problem."
The doctor says, "Well, is it too warm?"
"Yes, it's absolutely sweltering"
"Then get an air conditioner"
"I can't afford air conditioner doc, I'm too poor"
"Well, Danny, do you have a good friend, I mean a real close friend?"
"Yeah, I've got a close friend, Frank"
"Well, ask your friend Frank to stand over you and your wife with a towel, wafting you both to cool you down, that might help."
So, Danny asks Frank for this favor, who then agrees to help him. That night, Danny is in bed with his wife, pounding away with Frank fanning them with the towel but it's doing nothing for her.
Danny says, "Well this isn't working, let's swap." So Danny takes the towel and starts wafting Frank, who is now making love to Danny's wife. Not long after, Danny's wife goes "Oooh... oh that's it, I'm about to cum, I'm going to cum!"
Danny shouts, triumphantly, "You see, Frank?! That's how you waft a fucking towel!"
A pastor’s wife walks into a butcher shop
She sees the most perfect looking cut of meat in the display case and asks the butcher what kind of meat it is. “That’s Dam Ham,” he replies “I bet your PARDON?!” the lady says, “I am a good Christian woman, and I would kindly ask you not to use that kind of language.” The butcher explains, “Oh no ma’am, I’m not using profanity. Dam Ham is what we call the especially delicious filets we get from the big trout caught down by the dam.” The woman apologizes for the misunderstanding, buys the filet, and goes home.
Later that evening, her husband comes home from work and asks, “What is that Heavenly smell?” “Thats Dam Ham,” she replies. “Honey! What would the congregation think if they knew their pastor’s wife was speaking in such a way?” “Oh no honey, I would never!” She responds “They call it Dam Ham because it’s a special filet from one of the big trout caught down by the dam.” She finishes dinner and they sit down at the table with their two beautiful children. They join hands and say grace. The husband carves the meat, takes some for himself, then passes the plate to his son. After taking his first bite, the husband says, “Honey, you’ve really outdone yourself. This Dam Ham is delicious!
“Right on, Dad!” The son says “Now could you pass the fucking potatoes?”
I bumped into an old school friend today.
He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's a fucking optician.”
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