A penis has sad life.

His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbour is an asshole, his best friend is a pissy and his owner beats him.

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I volunteered to help blind children today!

That’s a verb not an adjective btw.

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A man was standing in a hotel elevator when his elbow brushed over a woman's breast. Apologetically, he said, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts you will forgive me."

The lady said, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I am in room number 3134.”

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After passing away, George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a interview with God.

God asks Bush, "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers, "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

God is impressed by Bush and tells him, "Great , come sit on the chair on my right"

Next, God asks Obama, "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers, "I believe in the power of democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc."

God is really impressed by Obama and tells him, "Well done , come sit on the chair on my left.

Finally, God asks Trump, "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers, "I believe you're sitting on my chair."

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3 generations of prostitutes were sitting around discussing their trade

The daughter complains,"I'm only getting $20 for a blowjob."

The mother pipes up and says, "Back in my day we only got $5."

Then the grandmother speaks up and says, "During the great depression we were happy to just have something warm in our belly."

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As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July.

It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.

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[NSFW] An Australian goes to New Zealand

An Australian goes to New Zealand and sees a guy fucking a sheep on the side of the road and he says "mate, in Australia we sheer our sheep."

The New Zealand guy says "Fuck off, I'm not sheering her with anyone"

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