Fuck you that just was a lucky guess....
Hiển thị các bài đăng có nhãn Jokes. Hiển thị tất cả bài đăng
Hiển thị các bài đăng có nhãn Jokes. Hiển thị tất cả bài đăng
Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 9, 2021
A man decided to tattoo his wife's name on his penis before going to their honeymoon
When erect it proudly reads Wendy on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows Wy.
While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a Wy on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy.
The guy replies in a Jamaican accent, "No man, why do you ask?"
The husband then explains that he noticed the Wy on his penis and shared that he also has Wy and then when erect it says "Wendy".
The stranger then said, "When I have a hard on it says, Welcome to Jamaica,...
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas
When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."
"Harriet, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?" Soon, there was a knock...
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true...
A man walks into a spooky store.
Man: Wow, this shop really has everything!
Shopkeeper: Yes, but I warn you... every item comes at a price.
Man: Yes, I know how shops work.
Shopkeeper: But the price may be more than you expect to pay.
Man: Yes, I know how taxes work too.
Shopkeeper, angry now: No, you don't understand! I'm evil and I'm offering these items without regard for the harm they will do!
Man, also angry: I know what capitalism is, dammit!...
A teacher asks her students a simple math question…
“There are 3 birds on a wire, one gets shot, how many are left?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, “there are none left, once the one bird was shot the other two flew away ”
Teacher tells Johnny he is wrong, but she likes the way he thinks.
Johnny then inquired, “may I ask you a question now teach?”
She loves his inquiring mind and tells him to go right ahead
Johnny continues, “There are 3 women coming out of an ice cream shop each with a cone… one is licking it, one is biting it, and one is sucking it…. Which one is married?”
Teacher thinks for...
I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar
So I went up to him and gave him a dollar.He happily pocketed the dollar and said “ you see that white cat over there, how many teeth does it have?”
So I said “ I don’t know….”
He said “ how many hairs does it have?”
I again replied saying I didn’t know.
He then said to me “ You see that black rooster over there, how many legs does it have?”
So i promptly said 2.
so the homeless man said “ how come you know nothing about white pussy and everything about black cock?”...
Thứ Hai, 20 tháng 9, 2021
Us men can be great at multi-tasking too!
Ever tried jerking off, watching porn and keeping an eye on the door for intruders at the same time?
Edit: Thank you for taking my award virginity!...
The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another...
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips... He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half...
Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as...
A guy comes home completely drunk one night.
He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers...
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