Burnt the shit out of my hand on the stove...
Thứ Tư, 6 tháng 5, 2015
Two blondes are in heaven.
One blonde says to the other, "how did you die"?
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful" says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping."
"How about you, how did you die?" asked the second blonde.
"I had a heart attack," says the first blonde. "You see, I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone watching TV. I ran to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.
The second blonde shakes her head. "What a pity ... if only you had looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
This Is What Happens After You Die
This Is What Happens After You Die
“It might take a little bit of force to break this up,” says mortician Holly Williams, lifting John’s arm and gently bending it at the fingers, elbow and wrist. “Usually, the fresher a body is, the easier it is for me to work on.”
May 5, 2015 at 09:27PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1Jo7QIX
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment...
...when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?'
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
'Discrete??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'
'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
Which Pop Star Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?
You won’t Bey-lieve the answer!
Thinkstock / Jamie McCarthy / Pascal Le Segretain / Steve Jennings / Sam Stryker / BuzzFeed
Listen To Vance Joy's Heart-Melting Cover Of Taylor Swift's "I Know Places"
Swoon.
Last night, Taylor Swift kicked off her 1989 World Tour with a massive show in Tokyo, Japan.
Sato / Getty Images for TS
To celebrate the occasion, Australian singer-songwriter Vance Joy — who will be joining the tour as an opening act later this month — uploaded a heart-wrenching cover of Taylor’s “I Know Places" to his YouTube channel.
Vance Joy
Vance Joy
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)