My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

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My girlfriend is so busted

she claims to be an atheist but yesterday I got home from work early and she was screaming "OH GOD! YES! YOU'RE SO GOOD!". So I sat smugly on the couch until she came out with my friend Steve. Then I was like "busted! you're not an atheist at all. I don't know what you did Steve but you are a legend"

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What did the neckbeard say when he looked in the mirror?

M'self

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but I have no clue how they got in there.

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I just sold some Viagra to a guy who thought it was Adderall.

He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow.

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I just saw my parents having sex

Damn you Pornhub

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Do you know what "clitoris" is in French?

Me neither, but I had it on the tip of my tongue yesterday.

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