The Pope and Hillary are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Hillary and said,

"Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!" Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded her and knocked her off the stage!

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Women are like hand grenades

If you take off the ring you lose your house and half your belongings

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What's worse than passing out and waking up after a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

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What do you do if you break your arm in two places?

Don't go back to those two places.

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I asked God for a car, but I know God doesn't work that way...

So, I stole a car and asked for forgiveness.

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During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.

The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."

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I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

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