Great sedimental value.
(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)
Thứ Năm, 9 tháng 6, 2016
How to Sell a Dead Donkey
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news The donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with a dead donkey? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece, less the $100 I gave you and made a profit of $898.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
A man shows off his appartment to his friends
After a night of drinking a man shows off his new appartment to his friends. In the bedroom they spot a giant gong. What's that gong for? They ask. That's not a gong he says, that's a talking clock. Yeah right, the friends say, show us how it works then. So the man smashes it as hard as he can and takes a step back. His friends are Just staring when suddenly they hear 'stop with the noice you asshole it's 3.45 in the norning!'
It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date,
Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests: "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
A husband and wife find a bottle on the beach...
...the wife picks it up and a genie pops out.
"Madam, I will grant you three wishes," speaks the genie.
The wife is jumping with joy."Okay, I wish we were billionaires...and I wish we lived in the biggest mansion in Beverly Hills."
Poof.
They are transported to a beautiful mansion that is filled with diamonds and gold.
"Madam, for your final wish?" Asks the genie.
The woman looks at her husband and smiles, "I wish my husband would give me the best foot massage in the world, every time I asked him too.
Poof.
She asks her husband for a foot massage and he instantly begins to massage his wife's feet. When he is finished, the man picks up the bottle, rubs it, and the genie again appears.
"Sir, I will grant you three wishes," speaks the genie.
"I wish that all the cotton candy in the world were gone, forever," the man says.
Poof.
The genie assures him it is done and the mans wife begins to scream at him for wasting a wish.
"Second," says the husband, "I wish my wife craved cotton candy every minute of everyday."
Poof.
The wife is still screaming but then she starts demanding cotton candy.
"Sir, your final wish?" Asks the genie.
The husband looks at his wife and smiles, "I wish my dick tasted like cotton candy."
The Incredible Story of a Man Who Survived 20 Hours Stranded at Sea
The Incredible Story of a Man Who Survived 20 Hours Stranded at Sea
The incredible story of Bill Durden, who survived 20 hours treading water in the Gulf of Mexico.
June 8, 2016 at 11:33PM
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