The man at customs asks him "Do you have a criminal record?" The British man replies "I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more."
Thứ Bảy, 18 tháng 6, 2016
I went for a job interview today and the manager said,"We're looking for someone who is responsible"
..."Well I'm your man" I replied,"In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"
A zoophile, a necrophile, a sadist, a masochist, and a pyromaniac....
are all waiting at the bus stop for the bus to take them to the mental institution.
The zoophile says: "I'm bored. Let's fuck a cat!"
The sadist says: "Let's fuck a cat, then kill it!"
The necrophile says: "Let's fuck a cat, kill it, and then fuck it again!"
The pyromaniac says: "Let's fuck a cat, kill it, fuck it again, and then set it on fire!"
The masochist says: "Meow!"
A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell
A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell. As punishment for his many sins, the Devil shoved him into a room and proceeded to crank up the heat and humidity.
But the man just smiled and said, “Oh, this is just like Chicago in the Spring.”
So, the Devil cranked up the heat and humidity even more, but the man just took off his coat, smiled again, and said, "Well, this is just like Chicago in the summer."
Getting angry now, the Devil put the heat and humidity to the highest possible setting; however, yet again, the man just smiled, took off his shirt and tie, and said, “Ahhhh! Good old August Chicago heat!”
Enraged, the Devil was about to seek an even hotter inferno but then got an idea…
He shut off the heat to the man’s room and instead turned on the air conditioner. Within seconds, the room was frozen solid, colder than anything the man had ever experienced during his time on Earth.
Confident he had finally gotten the best of the man, the devil walked away to take care of other matters. He returned several hours later only to find the man cheering wildly and dancing around.
“What the HELL are you DOING?!?!” The Devil roared. "Celebrating!” The man shouted back. “The Cubs won the World Series! The Cubs won the World Series!"
I met a pretty girl.
Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.
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