God offers the ten commandments

God went to the Arabs and said: "I have Commandments that'll make your lives better."

The Arabs asked: "What are they, can you give us an example?"

God said: "Thou shall not kill."

The Arab were shocked and refused Gods offering

So he went to the Mexicans and said: "I have commandments that'll make your lives better."

When asked for an example God said: "Thou shall not steal."

The Mexicans were insulted and refused.

Lastly, God went to the Jews: "I have Co..."

Before he could finish the Jews blasted out: "HOW MUCH DO THEY COST??"

God replied: "Nothing, they're free."

The Jews answered: "Good, we shall take ten!"

Read More

Two business men are at a bar

The first one asks the second one: "If you found out the world was going to end in one hour's time, what would you do?"

The second one replies "I'd fuck anything that moves. What about you?"

After a brief pause for thought, the first businessmen replies "I'd stay very, very still."

Read More

How Is Donald Trump Going to Quit?

How Is Donald Trump Going to Quit?
When his numbers start dropping, as they inevitably will and already have, Donald Trump is going to save face the best way he knows how: Quitting before it’s too late.

June 22, 2016 at 12:30AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/28KKpgS

Read More

How does a racist joke start?

With a small loan of a million dollars

Read More

There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five.

Of course i left him hanging.

Read More

A bus full of catholic school girls gets in a horrible accident.

Sadly all on the bus perished and are waiting in line at the pearly gates. St Peter approaches the first girl in line.

"Mary Margaret, I have one question for you, and it is of the utmost importance that you answer truthfully. Have you ever touched a penis?"

Mary blushed a little bit. "Well, yes, I have. I once reached into a boys pants and touched his penis with the tip of my finger. But that was all."

"Very well Mary. Dip your finger into this holy water and then you may enter Heaven."

St Peter then approaches the next girl in line.

"Anne Beth, have you ever touched a penis?"

"Yes, I once reached in a boys pants and grabbed his penis."

"Very well," said St Peter "Dip your hand in holy water and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

At this point in time there is a commotion in the back of the line, as one of the girls is pushing her way up the line.

"Katherine Anne, you need to wait till it's your turn." St Peter strictly informed the girl.

"No, I'm not staying in the back of the line. There's no way I'm rinsing my mouth out with that holy water if Karen has to wash her ass out with it first!"

Read More

forgive me father for i have sinned...

... "go on" says the priest. "I swore the other day" says the man. "continue" says the priest. "I was on the golf course the other day and i hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway". "and this is when you swore?" asked the priest. "No father, my ball then ricocheted of the power lines and flew off into the deep rough" continued the man. "this must have been when you swore?" the priest exclaimed. "No father, not yet. As i was walking over to the rough to hit my second shot a hawk flew down from the trees, picked my ball up in his beak and proceeded to fly off with it" continued the man. "Ahhh I see" says the priest "this must have been the point where you swore" "Nope not yet, as the bird flew over the green the ball fell from its mouth and landed two feet from the hole" The priest pauses for a few seconds "you missed the fucking putt didn't you?"

Read More