A blind man walks into a restaurant and asks for a used spoon.

The restaurant owner finds it odd but obliges. The man takes a lick and thinks for awhile, and declared "Hmm, lobster linguine in tomato and habanero sauce! I think I'll have one of those!" The restaurant owner was incredulous as that was one of the restaurant's best dishes, and serves him one.

The next day, the blind man came back and asked for another used spoon. When he takes a lick, he proclaims "Hmm, roast pork knuckle with Dijon mustard and blue cheese sauce! I'll have that!" The restaurant owner was impressed as that was the special of the day that he had never served before.

The following day, the blind man walks in and asks for another spoon. The owner wants to trick the blind man and asks his wife to rub a clean spoon onto her pussy. Although she is disgusted, she was finally coerced to do so. Sniggering, the owner passes the spoon to the blind man. The blind man took a lick, thinks awhile before shouting "Hey, I didn't know Ellie works here!"

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Why is it so hard to get into a relationship with an SJW?

Because they have high double standards.

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At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared

A female student's composition:

'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'

A male student's composition:

'I love sex.'

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I sat next to this attractive Thai girl on the train...

I kept thinking don't get an erection,don't get an erection, but she did.

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A man goes into a restaurant with an ostrich

They sit down and order:

'I'd like a hamburger, fries and a Coke,' says the man, then turns towards the ostrich. 'And you?'

'The same', says the ostrich.

A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and the bill.

'$6.40,' she says.

The man takes out the exact amount from his pocket without even counting the money and hands it to the waitress.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, ask for the same food and the man pays with the exact amount. And the same routine takes place for the next couple of days. On a Friday night, the man and the ostrich turn up again.

'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, today's Friday, I'd like a steak and some crushed potatoes,' says the man, then he turns towards the ostrich. 'And you?'

'The same,' replies the bird.

After a few minutes, the waitress comes back with the order and the bill.

'$32.50'

The man, yet again, takes out the exact amount of money without counting it. The waitress can't help herself at this point and asks:

'Excuse me sir, but please tell me... how come you always have the exact amount?'

'Years ago, I cleaned up my attic and found an old lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared. He promised me two wishes. My first wish was to have the exact amount of money in my pockets whenever I had to pay for something.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Others would've asked for a million dollars, but you'll stay rich till the end of your life.'

'Indeed,' nods the man. 'It doesn't matter whether I want to buy a bottle of beer or a Rolls Royce, the money will always be there when I need it.'

'Can I also ask why this ostrich is always with you?'

'Well, my second wish was to get a very tall chick with nice strong legs...'

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What's the difference between a circus and a whore house?

One has a cunning array of stunts.

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You know, if I had a dollar for every time someone over fifty told me my generation sucks...

Then I would be able to afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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