A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again." -

Read More

Girls' Night Out

Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says

"No more girls' night out. My wife came back with no panties."

"You think you have it bad?" says the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that read 'from all of us at the fire station... we will never forget you."

Read More

You can freeze a human to -273.15 C

He'd be 0K.

Read More

/u/username goes to the grocery store....

username checks out.

Read More

Two pirates, Morty and sol are at a bar

Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”

Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

Read More

A man confesses his sins to a priest

'Father, I'm a sinner. The other day, I went to my wife's office. There was no one around except her colleague, and I took her and raped her right on the spot.'

'Well, that wasn't very nice,' says the priest gingerly. 'What else did you do?'

'Last week I visited my wife's sister. There was no one around except her, and I took her and raped her right on the spot.'

'Oh son, that is indeed a great sin,' says the priest.

'That's all nothing, Father,' continues the man. 'The other day, my mother-in-law visited me. I was all alone at home, so I took her and raped her right on the spot as well!'

There's no answer from the other half of the confession booth. The man waits for a while, calls the priest, but he gets no reply. Finally, he opens the door of the priest's booth and sees the cleric hiding under the seat, trembling with fear.

'Father, what on earth are you doing?' asks the man.

To which the priest replies:

'Son, I just remembered... there's no one in the church except you and me...'

Read More

What do a cell phone and anal bleach have in common?

They both change your ring tone

Read More