Your favorite drink must be ginger ale.....

cause you leave every girl in Canada Dry.

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I think my coworkers are gay

Every time I walk by, they mumble "what an ass"

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There was an old lady at a ATM today, she asked me if I could help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

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The Pope dies.

...and stands in front of St. Peter.
"I would like to get into heaven. I am the pope."
"The what?"
"The pope. Vicar of God on earth."
"Ehm... let me check that. I'll be back."

Pete to God:

"There is a guy outside, calls himself the pope."
"The pope?"
"Yeah, he says he is your Vicar on earth."
"Hmmm. Never heard of him. Let's ask Jesus."

"Son, do you know anything about a pope? He is standing in front of the gates and wishes to enter."
"No idea... but I will talk to him."

A few minutes later Jesus returns, shaking with laughter:
"Apparently this club of fishermen I founded 2000 years ago still exists."

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed...

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

I'm sorry.

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