Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
Thứ Tư, 19 tháng 10, 2016
A lumberjack walks into a shop to buy a chainsaw...
The shopkeeper picks one out and says "this one can cut down 5 trees in 2 minutes". The lumberjack is impressed by this and buys the chainsaw. 2 days later, the lumberjack comes back to the shop with the chainsaw and asks for a refund.
"This is a complete rip-off, I only managed to cut down 1 tree over the space of an hour!"
The shopkeeper takes the chainsaw and turns it on only for the lumberjack to suddenly jump in surprise.
"What's that noise?"
They say that dog is mans best friend ...
... but I don't have enemies that stare me directly in the eye whilst taking a shit on my carpet
A man walks into work with a smile
Every morning, he walks in and passes the security guard with a great big grin on his face. One day, bleary eyed, the security guard asks him why he's so chipper every morning.
"Well, it's simple. Every morning when my alarm goes off, I rub my wife on the shoulder and say 'Blondie, Blondie, eyes so blue; How I thrill to make sweet love to you.' Then I get a quicky and my day is gold. You should try it"
The next day, the man sees the security guard is covered in bruises with one eye swelled shut. "What the hell happened to you?"
The guard responds, "I took your advice! I rubbed my wife on the shoulder, told her a poem, and she beat the holy hell out of me!"
"What did you tell her?"
"Nappy head, nappy head, green eyes like a frog; If I could roll your fat ass over, I'd fuck you like a dog."
Forget the Election: Why Hillary Clinton May Be the Most Hated President of All Time
Forget the Election: Why Hillary Clinton May Be the Most Hated President of All Time
Hacked e-mails released by Wikileaks reveal the Clintons are exactly what their nemeses feared.
October 18, 2016 at 07:54AM
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