Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

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An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates...

for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book. Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out. Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory." The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son." Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on." The man says "I was a... some kind of wood-worker or carpenter... something like that." Jesus is like "Huh, that's another coincidence. Anything else you can remember?" The man shakes his head a bit and says "You may not believe this, but my son - he was brought to life through a miracle!" Jesus' jaw drops, he smiles, and tears comes to his eyes, "Father?!?" The old man's eyes open wide, "Pinocchio?!?"

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What’s the difference between being hungry and being horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

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If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it...

It's still fowl language.

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"Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so fucking wet!, give it to me now!"

She can scream all she wants... I'm not giving her my umbrella.

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What's the difference between erotic and kinky ?

Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use a whole chicken.

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A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.

Apparantly the answer is Chicken.

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