.. the suspension is killing me.
Thứ Bảy, 5 tháng 11, 2016
The Best Actually Racist Joke I know
I hate myself for repeating this. But I heard this when I was living in Texas.
Two rednecks are admiring their firearms. One says, “I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights.” The second says, “I just like shooting cans.”
“That‘s a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.”
“Well, there’s so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...”
Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton have been captured by terrorists
A man was stuck in horrible traffic and his car was stuck fir a long time. Suddenly he hears a knocking on the window and rolls them down
The man outside says- sir, Donald and Hilary have been captured by terrorists and they have asked for $100 million ransom or else they are gonna douse them in gasoline and burn them alive.
"How much is everyone giving on an average?"
"1 gallon"
Lettuce Tomato
A teenage couple was at the boys house and wanted to have relations. The only problem was, they were sleeping on the top of a bunk bed with the boys little brother asleep on the bottom bunk. They came up with a plan, they would say "tomato" for harder and "lettuce" for softer while having sex.
So as they are doing the deed and the girl is saying "Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Tomato!" Then the younger brother says, "Hey, can you two stop making sandwiches? I just got mayonnaise on my face."
A joke my grandma told me before she passed.
So a classroom teacher was giving candy to all the students. While doing this she was having them all guess what flavor the candy was.
After giving the first piece to the whole class she asks the class what flavor it was. They all said grape
The next flavor was guessed to be orange and the flavor after that cherry.
She gives out a final piece of candy to all the students. but no one can guess what flavor it is. The flavor being Honey she gives the class a hint "It's what your mommy sometimes calls your daddy"
After thinking for a bit the boy in the back screams "Spit it out it's asshole"
Three little ducks walk into a bar...
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
The little duck fluttered her eyelids and said "no, my name is puddles"
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