Why do you get aroused when you look in the mirror?

Because your dick thinks you're a pussy too.

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Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

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What do a call a blonde that dyes her hair brown?

Artificial Intelligence.

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How did Matthew McConaughey masturbate after breaking his left arm?

All right all right all right.

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So, I just tried a new drinking game.

I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.

Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.

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Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

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Yoda and Luke Skywalker are together in a ship when Luke asks...

Luke: are we on track?

Yoda: off course, we are.

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