For his funeral, we got a wreath in the shape of a life saver.
It's what he would've wanted.
Thứ Tư, 23 tháng 11, 2016
A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.
"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.
Four men walk into . . .
Four men walk into a <social establishment>. Inside the <social establishment>, they have a conversation about <topic>. Eventually one of them leaves the group and goes to the bathroom. After he left, the conversation shifts from <topic> to the well-being of their sons.
The first one says, "my son is very successful. He is a <reputable career #1>. This <holiday> he gave his best friend <indicator of wealth #1>."
"My son is also very successful" the second man adds to the conversation, "he works as a <reputable career #2>. This <holiday> he gave his best friend <indicator of wealth #2>."
The third man interjects, "that's nice. My son is very successful too. He is a <reputable career #3>. He just gave his best friend <indicator of wealth #3> during <holiday>."
At that moment, the fourth guy returns to the group. "What are you guys talking about?" he asks.
"We are bragging about how great our sons are," one of them says, "how successful is your son?"
"Oh he's an unemployed homosexual," the fourth guy responded.
"Oh that's unfortunate."
"Not really," the guy says, "he has three boyfriends and during <holiday> they gave him <indicator of wealth #1>, <indicator of wealth #2>, and <indicator of wealth #3>."
Donald Trump...
-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world is in shock.
-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.
-Latin American countries are sending clothing.
-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.
It was two o'clock in the morning...
...and a husband and wife were sleeping when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? (paused for a few seconds) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and slams the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear tonight."
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