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Thứ Sáu, 25 tháng 11, 2016

An explorer in the deepest Amazon

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces. The voice booms out again: "Now you're screwed."

A couple goes to a sex therapist........

A couple, both age 75, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $109. We do it here for $50...and I get $44 back from Medicare

I thought about attending an orgy...

But if I wanted to disappoint many people at once, I could just post this joke on Reddit.

A woman marries a man and has 10 children...

The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.

The next man dies so the woman remarries again and has ten more children.

That man dies so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.

The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well.

At the funeral, the priest mutters, "Good god! They’re finally together!"

A man at the funeral asks another man on his left, “Which husband do you think he means? The first, second, or third?”

The man on his left says, “I think he means her legs...”

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

What's the difference between my dick and my jokes?

Women don't laugh at my jokes.

...

:(

What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Command Alt Right.