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Chủ Nhật, 27 tháng 11, 2016

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.....

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.

She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.

"Doctor, I've got this very strange condition"

...I fart all the time, but they don't smell and are completely silent. You probably didn't notice, but I've farted six times since you entered the room." The doctor nods and writes a script. "Take these and come back in a week." A week later the old lady comes back to the doctor "You sonofabitch! I don't know what you gave me but it just made everything worse. I still fart all the time, they are still silent, but now they all stink!" The doctor nods and says "Well, we cleared your sinuses, now let's see what we can do about your hearing."

Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree?

The University of Minnesoda

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife.

Donald's hair gets finished first, and when the barber tries to apply some cologne to it, Donald goes nuts "Are you out of your mind? I can't go to my house smelling like I've been in a brothel. Melania would go crazy".

Right at that point the other barber finishes doing Barack's hair and goes, "So Mr. President, I guess you won't like cologne either?"

"I don't have a problem with that", says Barack with half smile on his face; "Michelle doesn't know what a brothel smells like."

What do you call a woman who can't draw?

Tracy

After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there

he said he couldn't complain.