I think all kids should be forced to read it.
Thứ Ba, 29 tháng 11, 2016
I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night
Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
All of the organs are deciding who should be in charge
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "I run all the body's systems, without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the heart , "I circulate oxygen and nutrients all over."
"No! I should be in charge," said the stomach, "I process the food that gives us energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "without me the body couldn't go anywhere."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the anus, "I am responsible for waste removal."
All of the other body parts laughed at the anus and insulted him. So he shut down. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the heart pumped toxic blood. They all decided that the anus should be the boss.
What is the moral of the story? Even though everybody else does all of the work the ass hole is usually in charge.
A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...
The first caller get's through,
"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"
"Goan!"
"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Aye, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.
After several more calls they get another man,
"And what's your word sir?"
"Smee!"
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Aye! S'mee again! Go'an fuck yerself!"
A guy is sitting at a bar staring at his drink when a huge biker grabs his drink and gulps it down.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it ?" says the Biker?" The man begins crying. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY you wimp."
The guy says. "Well this is the worst day of my life. I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home and then found my wife with another man. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!"
Piano player nsfw
So a bar owner has a piano in the corner that never gets played. He puts an ad in the paper to see if he can get a piano player to liven the place up.
The day of the auditions arrives and everyone is horrible. He's about to give up when a young man walks in and asks if he could audition. The bar owner agrees and the young man starts playing.
The first song is incredible but the owner had never heard it before. He asked what the song was called and the answer shocked him.
"I call it giving my sister ass herpes. I wrote it myself" said the young man. "Do you want to hear another song that I wrote called raping my neighbors dog"? The bar owner reluctantly agreed.
The second song was even better than the first. The owner decides to hire the young man. He will let the young man play his own songs but only if he doesn't tell the bar patrons the names of his songs.
Everything was going great on the first night. The bar was packed and the tip jar on the piano was full. The young man announced he was taking a short break and went into the bathroom.
When he came out a woman came up to him and asked "Do you know your fly is open and your dick is hanging out?"
The young man looks at her excitedly and says "Know it, I wrote it!"
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