90s kids won't get this . . .

Social Security benefits....

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I just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out all the pages are blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am....

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"Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?"

"Because its a gas planet son"...

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A man was having some stomach pains, so he went to see his doctor...

The doctor looked him over and declared, "Sir, you have a tapeworm. Please come back in three days, and bring...a BANANA." The man is confused, but he trusts the doctor so he returns in three days with a banana. The doctor tells the man to take off his pants and bend over, whereupon the doctor...introduces the banana into the man's system. The man is shocked. The doctor says, "Excellent job. Now please come back in three days with another banana." The man trusts his doctor, so in three days he returns with another banana. The doctor again asks...

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Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan....

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How did the blonde die raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree....

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Heaven or Hell?

While walking down the street one day, a political head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." says the politician. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose...

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