A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways. The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don't like educated people." The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. But the company...

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A man goes to the vet

A man goes to the vet with his dog, and says "there's something wrong, I can't get her to wake up!" So the vet brings the man to the examination room, and puts a stethoscope to the dogs chest and mournfully says "I'm sorry sir, your dog is dead" The main sobs and says "isn't there anything you can do? are you sure?" The vet just opens a door, and allows a Golden Labrador into the room, which sniffs the dog, shakes it's head, and walks back out of the door. vet says "well, thats it. I'm sorry sir. your dog is surely dead" the main wails "there's...

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The Husband Store

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands... First floor The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The...

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What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who's run out of protein powder?

No whey José...

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I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn

Doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night....

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Three men die within 10 seconds of each other...

...go to heaven, and are greeted by Saint Peter at the gates. Saint Peter says, "Our apologies, but due to logistics constraints, only one man can be let into heaven at a time. The man with the most interesting story goes first." The men mumble agreement, and the first man says; "Well, I've been suspecting for a while that my wife was having an affair. I came home early one day and found her naked on the sofa. I said, 'Aha! Where is he?' but before she could answer I saw a man hanging off our railing on the terrace. So I walk over to him, and...

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What’s the name of Mr. T’s girlfriend?

April, fools...

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