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Thứ Bảy, 22 tháng 4, 2017

THE salesman story.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65". The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition." The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.’

I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

Ye Olde Jack And Jill

Jack and Jill, Went up the hill, So Jack could see Jill's fanny, But Jack got a shock, And an eye full of cock, Because Jill was a closet tranny.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail…

But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition…

I went to a restaurant.

Every table was occupied with couples, there was no seat vacant. I took out my phone and said loudly "Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."

9 girls left their seats for me.

A wife gets naked...

…and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?' Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.

A woman walks in on her husband performing anal sex on his secretary. The wife screams, "You can't do this to me!" The husband says...

"I know. That's why I'm doing it to her."