A girl confesses at a Church...

Girl : "Forgive me father, I have sinned."

Priest : "What have you done my child?"

Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl : "Because he touched my hand."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he touched my breast."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest : "Like this?"

(as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl : "But father, he had AIDS!"

Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

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What is the best way to piss off a Redditor?

[removed]

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Turkey's Brilliant Tow Trucks Put The US To Shame

Turkey's Brilliant Tow Trucks Put The US To Shame
With Turkey's side-loading tow truck replacement, a car is loaded and gone in under a minute.

May 19, 2017 at 10:36PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2q3EaNc

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I went to a bar last night

and I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said "Wow, great legs."

She giggled and said "Really?"

I said "Yea, most tables would've collapsed by now."

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A beautiful blonde woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?"

The pharmacist replies, "Yes, isle 11."

The blonde goes to the isle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her, "Do you need some help?"

The woman replies, "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy some."

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Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member?

He went around killing gingers.

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A trucker was missing his girlfriend

A trucker had been on the road for a couple of weeks and was looking forward to seeing his girlfriend back home and having sex with her. He was nervous about busting a nut too early and remembered reading that masturbating before having sex would help prolong the act. The only problem was that he didn't have a place to beat his meat, his helper/co-driver was sleeping in the back and there were no truck stops for miles.

Then he had a stroke of genius and stopped the truck at a wayside. He hopped out and went under the truck to make it look like he was doing some repairs. He whipped out his genius, closed his eyes with his girlfriend on his mind and started stroking. After a while the trucker felt someone tug his leg.

He kept his eyes closed to not disturb the feed from the spank bank and asked "What is it?"

"Highway police" someone answered, "sir, what are you doing?"

"The drive shaft was making a weird noise and I decided to check if everything was okay," the trucker replied nervously.

"It might be a good idea to check the brakes too while you're at it, seeing as your truck rolled down the road ten minutes ago", the police said.

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