Did you hear about the RPG fan who keeps making female characters and re-doing their stats?

He respecs women.

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I named my hard drive "dat ass" so …

once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.

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Why are all Jewish men circumcised?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off

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My son wanted to know what it's like to be married

I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

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Boobs are like the sun.

It's dangerous to look, but that's what sunglasses are for.

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R.I.P. Boiling Water

You will be mist

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A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."

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