If you win the lottery...

the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 48 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket. "Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Pinto," I replied. "Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said. "My point exactly."...

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June is already over?

Julying...

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Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts

Beer nuts are $1.50 a lb. And deer nuts are under a buck....

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I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage Son: Why? Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there....

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An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:...

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My penis was in the Guiness World Records book.

Until I got kicked out of the library....

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John finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke................. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.” John got a horrified look on his face. She said"Darling, what's wrong?" He replied,...

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