That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
Thứ Năm, 10 tháng 8, 2017
What organ can expand to 10 times it is size............
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student Little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.
I once dated a girl who had a twin.
I once dated a girl who had a twin.
People always asked me how I could tell them apart.
It was pretty simple, Rachel always painted her nails purple and Dave had a cock.
A man begins to suspect he has a tapeworm, so he goes to the doctor...
The doctor examines him and confirms that yes, he does have a tapeworm. "And it's a pretty wily one, too. Every time I try to yank it out, it just darts away. I'm gonna have to resort to more unorthodox methods..."
The man doesn't like the sound of that, but he's desperate to get rid of the problem.
"I want you to come back tomorrow. Bring a banana and a cookie."
"But why?" the man says.
"Just do it."
So the guy leaves. The next day he comes back with a banana and a cookie. "Alright. Bend over. And brace yourself. This is gonna hurt like hell."
The guy bends over and the doctor jams the banana right up his ass until it's completely gone. The guy hollers in agony. "What the hell doc!?"
"Trust me!" the doc says.
The doctor checks his watch, and exactly ten minutes later, he tells the guy to bend over again. The guy does, and the doctor jams the cookie up his ass. There are even more howls of pain and anguish. But the doctor tells him to pull up his pants and head home. "But come back tomorrow with another banana, and another cookie."
"You gotta be shittin' me, doc!"
"Trust me!" the doc says.
So away the guy goes, and he comes back the next day with a banana and another cookie. The same thing happens, along with equal amounts of screaming in agony. The doc jams the banana up the man's ass, and ten minutes later, the cookie. The doc tells him to come back again the next day with another banana and cookie, and the next day, and the next day.
"Doc, I can't take much more of this..." the guy whimpers after a week.
"Trust me," the doc says. "Not much longer now."
Finally after two weeks of bananas and cookies, the doc tells him, "Come back tomorrow with a banana and a hammer."
"Oh no!" the guy says, turning pale with fright. "A goddamn hammer?"
"Trust me," the doc says.
"Well, I've come this far. And this tapeworm is driving me nuts. It can't get much worse."
So he comes back the next day with a banana and a hammer. As usual the doctor crams the banana right up his ass, to much howling and screaming. Then he waits 11 minutes.
Suddenly, the little tapeworm pokes his head out of the man's asshole and says, "Hey! Where the fuck's my cookie!?"
BAM!
A husband and wife were in a shipwreck and ended up on a desert island...
After a few months of isolation, the man and woman noticed a raft bobbing in the waves. When the raft landed, a man emerged, yet another victim of a shipwreck. The man and woman welcome the newcomer.
"We've made things as comfortable for us as we can", the man told the new guy. "We have a shelter, tools, plenty of fruit and wild animals to eat. We've even built a watch tower to watch for passing ships. In fact, having a 3rd person here will greatly help with watchtower shifts. Why don't you take first shift?"
The new guy climbs the tower and starts scanning the horizon. Soon, he looks down at the couple and yells, "Hey! No fucking!"
"We're not. We are cleaning fish!" They reply.
A little while later, from the watchtower they hear, "Hey! Stop fucking down there!"
"We are only chopping firewood!" The couple reply.
By and by, from the watchtower again, "Hey! I thought y'all weren't fucking!"
"We aren't!", they yell. "We are sharpening sticks!"
After a time, the husband of the couple climbs the tower. "Alright, new guy. Get some rest. I'll take over from here."
The new guy climbs down. After awhile, the husband looks down. "Ha... It DOES look like they're fucking from up here!"
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