Little Johnny goes to a Whorehouse

Little Johnny, about 7 years old, is on his way to a whorehouse. Once he gets there, he goes to the Madame and speaks to her Johnny: Hey there Missus. I would like a hooker, please Madame: I'm sorry little boy. you look way too young to come here. What's your phone number? I think your parents should come pick you up. Johnny: No ma'am. I want a hooker Madame: I can't let you. you're way too young So they start arguing for a few minutes until Johnny reaches into his pocket and grabs a fat wad of cash. The madame thinks about it for a few seconds...

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Anal sex is like hacking.

You go in through the backdoor and hope a log isn't found....

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My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister." I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me." I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job" A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."...

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Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock;...

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

The one deer turns to his friend and says "Man, I blew like 30 bucks in there."...

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A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?" "Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?" "You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules." So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar. "Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila,...

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A woman goes on vacation to Jamaica.

Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love-making she asks him, “What is your name?” “I can’t tell you,” the black man says. Every night they meet, and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can’t tell her. On her last night there she asks again, “Can you please tell me your name?” “I can’t tell you my name because you will laugh at me,” says the black man. “There is no reason for me to laugh at you,” the woman says. “Fine, my name is Snow!” the black man replies. The...

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