A man takes a shortcut home through a graveyard at night.

Whistling loudly to steel himself against the cold fingers of fear, he strides quickly towards his destination. As his eyes adjust to the dark, he notices an uncovered grave left by a lazy gravedigger. Feeling an uneasy chill, he averts his eyes from the coffin laid inside, missing the spade left by the gravedigger. Tripping on the spade, he falls into the grave, landing heavily on the coffin. As fear grips his heart, he scrambles to climb from the grave, only to be flung headlong out onto the mound of dirt lying beside the grave. In terror, he...

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As a Canadian..

Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian... ...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free...

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NSFW

Watched some really weird porn the other day: just a sad, fat naked guy masturbating. Then I realised the TV was off....

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"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."...

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Vladamir Putin, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Donald Trump calls America and talks for 2 hours. When he was finished the devil informs him that his cost is 6 million dollars, so The Don writes him a check. Finally Kim Jong Un gets his turn and he's talking to all his friends, his harem, and all his generals for...

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When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman's body.

Then I was born....

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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the growth state of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” So, Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding...

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