Welcome to heaven Mr. Hefner

St. Peter: welcome to heaven mr. Hefner. We hope you enjoy your eternal bliss. Here you can do anything you want. What would you like to do first? Hugh: I dont know, I've had a long great life. Maybe relax, go see a Tom Petty concert at a small venue, 50-60 people tops. St. Peter: that can be arranged...

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Life is like toilet paper,

you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole....

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John has 20 watermelons and tim has none. John threw one watermelon at tim, what does tim have now?

A concussion....

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What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people....

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Hey girl, are you the Bible?

'Cause men keep misinterpreting what you say to support their own selfish agendas....

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What do you call a redditor with an opinion?

Names...

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The meaning of life..

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed...... On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time...

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