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Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 11, 2017

Political joke

A boy asks his father:

What is politics?

Father answers:

It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m capitalism. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future.

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

So, can you now explain to me what politics is?

The boy says:

Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Capitalism screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit.

It's a good thing they shut down production of House of Cards

It's be too unrealistic to have someone playing the US president who has been accused of sexual misconduct.

Girls night out!!!

Having Spent all their Taxi Fair for the last round, walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious:

"My wife came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Thứ Sáu, 3 tháng 11, 2017

I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear...

"What's this for? he asked.

I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

I asked my biology teacher how he makes his class so interesting

He told me: Sex cells.

Digging to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years.

The French came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network centuries ago.

Not to be outdone by the French, English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000 meters. Shortly thereafter articles in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of a 2,000-year-old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the French."

One week later, Israeli newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5,000 meters in a Jerusalem marketplace, they found absolutely nothing. They thus concluded that 5,000 years ago Jews were using wireless."

A bad workman blames his fools...

EDIT: tools

...stupid keyboard...