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Thứ Hai, 6 tháng 11, 2017

A magician worked on a cruise ship.

The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, and as fate would have it, with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... Two days... And then three days. Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...

"Okay, I give up. Where's the ship?"

My local sperm bank now has a guestbook..

To see who came before you.

My girlfriend bet me I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

Chủ Nhật, 5 tháng 11, 2017

Today i was in the bank

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations. The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

A stomach was sad...

... because everything it tried to make turned out to be shit.

Communism sounds good on paper...

...unless you’re reading a history book.

Why was the feminist picnic cancelled?

because nobody made sandwiches