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Thứ Hai, 6 tháng 11, 2017

Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage virgin

But today I turned 20

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...that was me."

At any given time, the urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is just a whim away

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France.

But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

I’ve been a PC gamer for over 20 years. Yesterday I bought a PS4, best decision ever!

Now my 8 year old son doesn’t have to touch my beloved PC!

What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?

The bark.

What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?

The branches.

What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?

The trunk.

What's my father's favourite part of the tree?

The leaves :(

My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats...

But it's 2017 and I'll date who I want