You might see a new one every four years or so.
Thứ Ba, 7 tháng 11, 2017
A CEO gathers his staff..
10 Male employees are present in the convention room. The CEO clears his throat and starts the meeting: "Good afternoon gentlemen. As you know, I am leaving for my business meeting tomorrow and will be absent for 10 days."
The employees are all nodding in agreement.
The CEO pauses for a brief moment and continues with a very strict tone: "My daughter just turned 18 and is the only female co-worker here. Also, all of you probably are aware of the fact that my daughter is one of the most beautiful women in the country. I hope I can trust you all not to sneak around with Nadia when I am gone."
The employees all nod their heads again and the meeting is over.
The CEO is still not happy with the fact that he will be away for so long while his staff is around his daughter for 10 days straight. He goes to a local antique shop, in search of anything that could settle his worries.
The shopkeeper tells him about the variety of his items and also tells the CEO that he has a "special" chastity belt that will cost him a significant amount of money. The CEO is extremely curious and says that he does not care about the price of the item. He is also wondering why it is special.
The shopkeeper says: "I'll show you. He picks up a pencil and sticks it through the hole of the chastity belt: SNAP! the pencil is immediately cut off, without a warning.
The CEO is happy to make the purchase and goes straight back to his home and daughter, without any delay! He puts the chastity belt around her genitalia and takes the key, so he can leave for his trip without having to worry about his daughter one bit.
When he returns, he immediately calls for another meeting with his male personnel. He says: "Would you please all stand and form a line for me?"
The men are all hesitating, as if they all would like to object. But in the end they all follow through and stand in a line in front of him. The CEO walks to the first one.
"Johnson, would you take off your pants for me?"
Johnson takes his pants off and the CEO sees that his penis is completely torn off.
You are fired Johnson! says the CEO, and he proceeds to command his next employee.
"Well Dick? What about you?" he sees another misshapen penis.
You are fired Dick! says the CEO. He proceeds and lets his whole staff reveal their toy soldiers and sees 7 more remainings of what used to be penises. He fires all 9 of them.
He walks up to his youngest, male worker and tells him to pull down his pants. The CEO sees a completely intact, big, strong and veiny penis. the CEO is really excited about his loyalty. He says: "Willie I knew I could trust you! you will get a raise, a new car and you get a bonus right away! What will you say?
"I'm not thure if I detherve that Bothth!"
A child with an imaginary friend is normal
An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,
And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.
Thứ Hai, 6 tháng 11, 2017
Two old men, close to their last days, decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel...
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home, the first man says, “You know, I think my girl was dead!”
“Dead?” says his friend, “Why do you say that?”
“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.”
His friend says, “Could be worse, I think mine was a witch.”
“A witch? Why the hell would you say that?”
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window...took my teeth with her!”
Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them...
He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was.
Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand.
He asked again, in German.
Again, the two workers did not understand him.
He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.
He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.
One guy turned to the other guy and said, "You know, maybe we should learn a second language."
"Why would you want to do that?" replied the other guy.
"It would help out in situations like the one we just had."
"What good would knowing a second language be? That guy knew 4 and it didn't help him any."
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