I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.
Thứ Hai, 13 tháng 11, 2017
A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane.
After the airplane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for whiskey which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather let a dozen whores rape me than let alcohol touch my lips"
The Irishman then handed his drink back and said "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice!"
Chủ Nhật, 12 tháng 11, 2017
Supermodel threesome
A 20 year old supermodel girl is driving down the road, coming home after a day of work.
When suddenly, she hits a pothole and her car dies.
She gets out, and calls triple A. But there is no cell reception.
So she sees a house and begs the man inside to use his phone.
But it's so dark out, and she forgets exactly where she parked, so she asks the man if she can sleep there, and call in the morning. He replies "sure. But my 15 year old son and his friend are having a sleepover upstairs, and I don't want to lay a finger on them. Please sleep downstairs"
She agrees, and goes into the basement as instructed.
But she soon gets too tempted and goes upstairs
The two kids look at her and are instantly impressed
"Hey boys, you want to do it?"
"Huh"? They say
"You wanna enjoy hot fleshy pleasures together"
"What are those?" The boys ask
She realizes how uneducated these boys are, and explains the birds and the bees
They agree, and she pulls out two condoms
"You have to put these on first. They will keep me from getting pregnant"
They both slip the rubbers on and the three enjoy hot fucking for the next 5 hours.
30 years later, the two men are sitting in a bar
"Remember that hot chick we fucked 30 years ago?" The first guy says
"Yeah. Oh yeaaahh." His friend replies
"Do you care if she gets pregnant?" He asks
"Nope." His friend responds
"Good" he says
"Let's take these damn things off!"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
A plane is spotted trying to land at Area 51
One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base. The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards. The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Vegas, gotten lost, and nearly run out of fuel, so he put his plane down at the first runway he saw. After extensive background checks, it is proven that the pilot isn't a spy and he is set to be released the following morning.
Before he is allowed to leave, he is given the "You didn't see anything" talk, and is told that under absolutely no circumstances is he allowed to tell anyone where he was, or what he saw. The Air Force fuels up the man's plane, gives him a proper heading to get back to Las Vegas, and sends him on his way.
Later that day, the man's plane is again spotted getting ready to land at Area 51. This time there are two people in the plane. When the plane touches down, it is immediately surrounded by guards again. As soon as it comes to a stop, the man hops out and yells: "Do whatever you want to me, but SOMEBODY has to tell my wife where I was last night."
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