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Thứ Ba, 19 tháng 12, 2017

Americans spy in Soviet Union

1960's. CIA decided to send the most advanced spy into Soviet Union. They trained him for 15 years in how Soviets Lived, 10 years in Russian, so he was completely fluent, another 5 years in Russian customs traditions. According to everyone in CIA, this guy was UNDETECTABLE. After US president wishes him luck, he's dressed in typical Soviet attire and dropped off by covert helicopter near Norwegian border, hikes up 25 kilometers to nearest village. He sees a line for Vodka and takes a spot in line.

In front of him is an old grandma. She turns around, looks at him and says:

  • Hey, aren't you an American spy?
  • [shocked] ... how did you know????
  • We've never seen a black person around here before.

What's the difference between an outlaw and an inlaw?

Outlaws are wanted

Only anti-vaccinators will get this.

Measles.

My neighbor thinks I spy on her..

I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now

Defender Thinks He Knows Play Call And Taunts Cam Newton, Immediately Gets Burned For A Touchdown


Defender Thinks He Knows Play Call And Taunts Cam Newton, Immediately Gets Burned For A Touchdown
Green Bay's Clay Matthews thought he knew what was coming. He did not.

December 18, 2017 at 10:23PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2kGw9x6

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

A woman is out golfing and finds a frog trapped in the woods...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned ☝her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.