One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Thứ Bảy, 23 tháng 12, 2017
Thứ Sáu, 22 tháng 12, 2017
A young man was showing off his sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's gone in too far."
When I was a kid, my team would play a scrimmage game against the boys from the local orphanage a few times a year.
If the ball went out of bounds near our bench, my coach would toss it back to a player on opposing team with a very coach-like, “Here ya go, Son” or “Nice Try, Son!” I never understood why he did this, but every single time, a couple dozen times a game, he’d toss the ball to a player on the orphanage team with a reaffirming, “Great play, Son!” or something similar.
After a couple years of this, I just figured my Coach thought he was being nice by acting as a caring adult figure to these wayward boys for a short time during our scrimmage games.
Finally in the third year, one of the older boys from the opposing team snarled back, “You’re not my father!”
Without missing a beat, Coach responded loud enough for all to hear, “How would you know?” as he turned to us with a huge shit-eating grin.
That’s how Coach taught me the incredible pay off of perseverance and keeping your sights on the goal. Thanks, Coach, wherever you are.
2 Beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
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