Two cannibals blowing each other
Thứ Sáu, 29 tháng 12, 2017
A man walks into a pub
The barman asks "Why the long face?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. So I have decided I'm going to drink myself to death."
The barman looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you commit suicide at all let alone in my pub!"
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The barman leans in and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the pub.
A couple hours goes by and the barman is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the pub with a smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The barman asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please
A man is sunbathing on a nude beach
To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important organ with a hat.
A woman passes by and notices the hat.
She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."
The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber...
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob."
Bob was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"
St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."
Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"
"Not bad." replied Bob the hen. "But I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating." explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never." said Bob.
"Well, just relax and let it happen." says the rooster. "It's no big deal."
Bob did and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.
He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....
"BOB, wake up!! You've shit the bed!"
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