A Native American shaman had an apprentice

One day the apprentice said to his mentor, "You take long trip. I try be shaman for summer."

The shaman asked, "Why should I take trip?"

The apprentice tried bribery. "If you take trip, I feed you belly full."

The shaman agreed, so the apprentice gave his mentor a big meal, and the next day the shaman left on his long trip.

But the apprentice turned out to be a terrible shaman. Within a week, the chief could not take it anymore, and left to search for the old shaman. He found him and begged, "Please come back to tribe."

The shaman asked, "Why should I come back?"

The chief tried bribery. "If you come back, I feed you belly full."

The shaman agreed, so they both went back, and the chief gave the shaman a big meal.

When the apprentice saw his mentor had returned, he asked, "Why back so soon?"

The old shaman explained, "Full me once, shaman you. Full me twice, shaman me."

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TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

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“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”

“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”

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Donald Trump Didn’t Want to Be President

Donald Trump Didn’t Want to Be President
In the first excerpt of Michael Wolff's book about the Trump White House, a look at the administration's first days.

January 4, 2018 at 12:48AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2CDd3n9

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In USSR we had a joke

A terminally ill jewish man is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wishes to join the Communist Party. A partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he takes the membership card and presses it against his heart. In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist dies"

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A Butcher is Selling Meat and Has One Chicken Left

A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.

A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.

The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.

The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.

The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.

“Great!” Says the woman, “I’ll take them both!”

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My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues...

Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.

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