My girlfriend is a famous pornstar

She'll kill me if she finds out....

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What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes...

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We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, “I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?”

I said, “Why would I want two empty glasses?”...

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Most people are shocked when they find out

How incompetent I am as an electrician...

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What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years?

The Church...

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Last night I was attacked by a gang of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me....

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When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

First of all, - just for some background: My Mum died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up. Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie. I don't want to...

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