You know what separates the men from the boys?

Social services....

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I just read a joke about Oedipus and Midas

It was motherfucking gold....

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I walked in last night to find a paramedic crouching over my wife. “Get your lips off my wife,”

I snapped pulling him off her. “But sir, I’m not kissing her!” He pleaded. “She’s stopped breathing.” “Do I need to repeat myself?...

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My Father tells this one at every family get together. (Apologies in advance if that has been posted here already)

So Mrs. Rodgers is a 3rd grade English teacher, and each Monday she gives her students a new vocabulary word. The students' task is to come up with a sentence using the new vocabulary word by the following day. This week the word is "contagious." So Tuesday morning rolls around and Mrs. Rodgers starts off: "OK class, who wants to share the sentence they came up with using the word 'contagious'?" Everyone's hands shoot up. Mrs. Rodgers says "Oh my goodness, I love the enthusiasm, but we only have time for 3 pupils to share." Mrs. Rodgers first...

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I suggested my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back..

Apparently it was an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient....

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I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again....

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Here's The Vikings' Unbelievable, Last-Second Game-Winning Touchdown Over The Saints

Here's The Vikings' Unbelievable, Last-Second Game-Winning Touchdown Over The Saints The Minnesota Vikings looked finished, until Case Keenum and Stefon Diggs pulled off the impossible. January 15, 2018 at 08:37AM via Digg http://ift.tt/2Dxmz...

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