A receding heir line...
Thứ Năm, 18 tháng 1, 2018
A man walks into a Bar.
A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, “May I buy you a cocktail?”
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt...
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. ''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size
... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.
Why Has Bitcoin Tumbled Almost 50% From Its Peak Last Month? A Few Theories
Why Has Bitcoin Tumbled Almost 50% From Its Peak Last Month? A Few Theories
Is this the sound of a bubble bursting, or is it just a normal correction inspired by the forthcoming Lunar New Year? Here's what you need to know.
January 18, 2018 at 02:43AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2rdijc4
Old man at a nursing home.
There was an old man in a nursing home who had felt lonely since his wife had passed. and everyday he would sit at the same bench and stare at the trees in the yard.
And elderly woman walked up to him one day and began to talk to him. She heard his story and was saddened and asked if there was anything she could do to cheer him up. "actually" the man spoke "you could hold my penis"
At first the lady thought this was strange but she figured since she wasnt doing anything bad; just holding his penis, that theres no harm done.
Day after day shed meet the guy and hold his penis and they would talk for hours on end. She began to enjoy the time and thought nothing about the penis holding.
One day she went to the spot to find that the man was not there. For the next week she didnt see her friend at the bench and began to worry. She found a worker and asked "did he pass away?" scared for the answer. The worker responded "Oh, No! He's been by the pool side everyday for about a week now."
The elderly lady didn't quite understand why but she walked over to the pool house to find him. Once she got there she saw him sitting next to the pool with another woman holding his penis! She was irate!
"What's this?" she yelled at him "Was my company not good enough for you? What does this girl have that i don't?"
The man looked up with a smile and said one word "parkinsons"
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