"I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here." The other replies, "You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."
Thứ Hai, 5 tháng 2, 2018
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't workout? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?!!!!!!!
A woman bent down
....to take a close look at a fine piece of jewelry in a jewelry store. In the process she vent out a fart. Embarrassed at that she looked around to see if anyone heard that.
A salesman was right behind her. She gathered her composure and in the hope he didn't notice her breaking the wind asked " What is the price for that necklace?"
The man smiled and said, "Just looking at it you let out a fart. If I tell you the price I am pretty sure you'll shit your pants".
Edit: spelling.
The Comic-Strip Heroine I'll Never Forget
The Comic-Strip Heroine I'll Never Forget
Modesty Blaise was something like Wonder Woman meets James Bond — but she was so much more, too.
February 5, 2018 at 12:01AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2nB6V5q
A joke older than Internet
One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’
His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.’
Joe figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with urine and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noises and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER. AVOID HEAVY LABOR. IT WILL BE BETTER IN TWO WEEKS. Later that evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, poured in the sample in the machine and deposited $10.
The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:
YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD – GET A WATER SOFTENER.
YOUR DOG HAS WORMS – GIVE IT VITAMINS.
YOUR DAUGHTER IS USING COCAINE – PUT HER IN REHAB.
YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT, TWINS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS – GET A LAWYER.
AND IF YOU DON’T STOP JERKING OFF, YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.
A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator..
Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"
Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."
Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"
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