...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer
Thứ Ba, 6 tháng 2, 2018
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mothers."
I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.
What the hell is she talking about?
Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing.
The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.
Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man's turn comes and he drives the ball. The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water.
A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish. As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish. As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one.
Jesus looks at Moses and says, "I really think I'm leaving Dad at home next time!"
My friend gave me a porno video.
When it put it in the player all it had was a blurred picture of some old, fat, bald guy naked and having a wank. I was fucking furious until I realised I had forgotten to turn on the TV.
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