I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?" My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time. It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud....

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What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?

An envelope....

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I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious...

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A married couple are driving down a highway

They are driving at 55 miles per hour when the wife looks to her husband, who is driving, and says she wants a divorce. The husband says nothing, but speeds up to 60 mph. Surprised at how well he is taking it, she decides to tell him that she has been having an affair with his best friend, and says ‘he is a better lover than you’. Again, he says nothing, but speeds up to 65 mph, and so the Wife decides to make more demand. ‘I want the house’. 75 mph. ‘I want the kids’. 80 mph. ‘I want the bank details’. 85 mph. Shocked at how well he seems to...

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success....

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The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says......... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. " With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees...

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A gay guy wants to get a tattoo to surprise his boyfriend for his birthday, so the tattooist asks, “Well, what does he like?” ”Boxing!” replies the man.

“Why don’t you get Mohammed Ali on your left butt cheek and Mike Tyson on your right?” “Ok!” he says, goes home and shows his boyfriend his new tatts. “You’re fucking insane!” screams his boyfriend. “Why?” he cries in disbelief. “Because there's no way in hell I’m getting in the ring between those two!"...

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