An old man takes his weekly visit to his psychiatrist

The psychiatrist asks: How is your relationship with god? The old man replies: It’s amazing, god helps me so much. Every night when I need to use the toilet, he turns the light on for me and closes it for me after I have finished. God is amazing. The psychiatrist was shocked, so he calls the old mans daughter, he says: Your father said that god turns the light on for him when he uses the toilet every night. What does he mean by this? I’m very shocked! The daughter replies furiously: That bastard has been pissing in the fucking fridge!...

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Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh...

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007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle.

His orders are to, "bond James, bond"....

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What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?

The spaghetto...

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An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy. After a short while he asked her what she was. "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything...

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What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros....

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A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sister, now dip the...

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